7 years ago, a young Pakistani girl landed in the UK to pursue a degree in Psychology from Warwick University. Little did she know, she’d meet her Prince Charming in this land where there were so many just like her – people who looked like her, behaved like her, but were from across the border back in Asia. Soma found her Indian Prince in Hasan, and they’re soon to be married. This is the third post in a series on a Pakistani bride marrying an Indian groom, with hopes to settle in India to begin their new life together. After the proposal and her trip to India, find out how she is preparing for her new life in Part 3 of the series: Bride Beyond Borders. Continue reading
Pallavi, a friend of my husband’s from school, married her long-time sweetheart – Nikhil – on a surprisingly warm November evening in New Delhi last year. In the months leading up to her wedding, I came across a frustrated rant by Pallavi on Facebook – she’s never been the slim and petite kind, but suddenly she was feeling the pressure to lose weight and fit into the size standards we’ve set for brides.
Her words struck a chord in me.
I immediately asked Pallavi if she would like to share her frustrations and what she learnt in a guest post for my blog. Why? I’ve seen this happen over and over again, with bride after bride – girls losing all confidence in their body, and internalizing the societal norms of beauty. Trying hard to “fit in”, pun intended, without realizing how beautiful it is to stand out. Now before you start wondering whether Pallavi and I are anti-fitness, hold your horses, and read it straight from the bride’s mouth!
Let me spell it out, right at the beginning – no bride wants to look fat on her big day.
Fat. A word that makes you cringe, doesn’t it?
So we come up with nicer synonyms, which make us less nervous about our appearance – large, healthy, chubby, big-boned. And I am okay using any of these adjectives to describe me, as they’re not far Continue reading
Before I introduce today’s guest blogger, I wanted to introduce a new series of guest posts. Called “A Bride’s Diary”, these will literally read like uncensored pages straight out of a bride’s diary. Miss M kick started the series with her straight-from-the-heart post on pre-wedding thoughts. My cousin sister, Ankita, our guest blogger for today – follows suit.
Ankita got married last February in a beautiful wedding ceremony held in Delhi. In her first guest post on our blog, she recollects the almost Bollywood like journey to her wedding day, complete with a romantic hero and a mother who saves the day!
Ours was a love marriage. I met Abhishek at work and it was love at first chat! We got along so well that it was so hard to not fall in love. And he is such a romantic (read cheesy) and believe it or not – I was totally smitten! Our parents loved our choices too. They got ready to get us married immediately and so ours was a “jhatt se pyaar, patt se engagement and immediately shaadi”.
Like every Bollywood love story, ours too had a pretty heroine (me), a handsome romantic hero (Abhishek), junior artists (my sister, Raunak – my sister’s then boyfriend now fiancé, Abhishek’s brother), a typical mom – ok, we had two of those! But our villain was the “kahaani main twist”. The villain in our case was our work. We could hardly get any time off pre-wedding to do any planning. And we had loads of planning that needed to be done – honeymoon (we were sponsoring our own honeymoon), house hunting, furniture hunting (needed atleast a bed and a TV when we would move into our new house), etc. All this apart from the usual trousseau hunting, jewellery hunting, and the other intricacies involved.
During these troubled times my Mom took the mantle of doing all the running around. She would spend almost all weekdays in Chandni Chowk, Lajpat Nagar and Karol Bagh finding stuff for me. Mom would shortlist stuff and I would accompany her to make the final decisions. And for all the ladies who are giving me the “Oh that’s so boring” look – ladies I was working on Saturdays too. I had about 4 months to do it all and it’s not humanly possible! But Ma did it all. And I just love her for it. And since I was all in for a jhintak wedding, everything worked out great.
As the days to my wedding came closer, I turned into a Bride-Zilla. And my mum was really tolerant. Another person who was really tolerant of me and my bouts of hyper-ness was my sister. She was so patient during those times with me that I could scream out loudly at her and she would still come and give me a hug. I think I was nervous and tensed about my life ahead – and hence hyper. Now that my wedding’s done, I can hopefully do the same for my sister. She will be getting married next – probably in the 2-3 years. One thing that my sister made me do was watch these Band Baaja Bride episodes on NDTV Goodtimes. This was a real blast and sometimes a real inspiration.
And I am really happy with the way everything turned out. I had the most awesome wedding (I guess every bride feels that way), and I loved every aspect of it. My wedding was definitely my dream wedding and I have spent the last 18 months going through my wedding album almost every day.
And life after marriage is great. A lot of people had told me that marriages are about compromises and adjustments. I somehow have not had to face any compromise or make any adjustment. Life with Abhishek is wonderful, it’s almost like we have known each other forever. Our life is just like the lyrics of the song Hot and Cold go:
“Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up!”
Ankita blogs at The Bangalore Snob about home decor – she always has the prettiest things around the house, and she knows how to source them cheap!
The first of a new series of posts that read like the uncensored pages of “A Bride’s Diary”
This guest post is written by Miss M (let’s just call her that). I know her through a common friend, and I keep hearing bits and pieces about her wedding prep through that friend. Imagine my surprise when I read the post she sent in – although we are in touch through a friend, we’re going through the exact same things! I can totally relate to almost every single line of her post. Oddly, it feels like she has taken the words from my mouth and put them down on paper. I don’t want to spoil the fun for you, so go ahead and read it yourself. This post is about her sharing her feelings about getting married.
When the “bride-to-be” (that would be me!) requested me to write this post I did not take it too seriously. I said, “Sure” – just as a gesture of courtesy. Then I read her blog and it was a fun and interesting read. It made me think about my life, my feelings and my journey as a bride-to-be. Less than hundred days left for the wedding and I have so many thoughts flooding my head.
Clothes, jewelry and other bridal things…! There is this fact about me which only a few people close to me know i.e. I do not like shopping! Yup, its true. Specially clothes. I do like strolling through malls, window shopping – but only once in a while, and and only when I need something.
But let me tell you, wedding shopping is a whole different ball game! Mother forcing you to buy tonnes of clothes – gawdy ones that are a riot of colors – to be worn as a newly wed. You enter a shop and you put your finger on any saree and it will be yours! I must admit that I do have a lot of fancy Indian clothes now – enough to last me a lifetime. Atleast that’s how I feel!
If I had it my way, I wouldn’t have a fancy wedding. It would just be a few close friends and family in a temple. And maybe a party after that! But as I have been told by many who have already trudged this path, particularly a very close friend who has told me, “Marriage is for you, wedding is for your family”. And now I know how that makes perfect sense. So, here I am, for the love of my folks, indulging in everything from the wedding trousseau to invitation card desings!
To be quite honest, thinking about the wedding day really freaks me out – I feel like Julia Roberts in The Runaway Bride ! I honestly do, except her issues were a little different from mine. For me, the issue is that on D-day I will be the center of attention. There will be hundreds of people staring at me – that’s an extremely uncomfortable thought! But then I think about how the love of my life will be standing next to me, withstanding all of that with me. I feel relief. And I find solace in that belief.
To love and to be loved by the same person for a long time is a blessing not everyone has. And I truly thank God for giving me that. And THIS is what it culminates into! This whole phase doesn’t feel real. Surreal. It’s like watching a movie featuring me where I am aware of what is happening, I feel the feelings..but the fact that it’s all ME hasn’t sunk in yet.
“I let it fall, my heart,
and as it fell, you rose to claim it” – Adele
Are you brideys also feeling the same things?
My thoughts – I would have also prefered a small wedding, followed by that party! But yes, eventually we all have to realise that the wedding is also about our parents and families being able to have all their wishes fulfilled. There’s really no point in fighting it, but to give in sooner than later! You will spare yourself and everyone around you a lot of fights. I also hate knowing that everyone will be looking at the bride! How uncomfortable! It’s terribly hard for some of us to embrace the attention. And yes, most fun about wedding shopping – ask, and it shall be yours! Loving feeling so spoilt! Miss M, I hope we get many more posts from you 🙂